Should I say no to babysitting my grandchildren?
Are Grandparents the Family Daycare? Should I say no to babysitting my grandchildren? There are some good arguments on both sides of the conversation. Let’s look closer.
As we have seen there are plenty of Pro’s and Con’s to being the family Day Care. The question is, do the Pros outweigh the Cons? Take the list and line through what you know could never happen. This may be something in the positive list too. Ask yourself these questions.
Does your GC live close enough for the transportation to work out? Does your Grown C want you to come to her/his home? Will this work for you? Does your Grown C have very strict rules for her children that you do not agree with? And would you bend the rules at Grandma’s house?
Can you watch your GC when she/he is sick?
Are you in good enough health? Can you afford to get sick? Who else may get sick?
You may have to say no to babysitting your grandchildren.
Do you both agree that you should or should not be paid for your services? If you are going to her/his home, are they paying your travel expenses? Can you be away from home for 9 or so hours a day?
As parents we want to give our children the world.
But can we actually do this? Communication between you and your G Child will make a huge difference. Will/can you make such self-sacrifice that you will end up worn out in the long run? It is a slippery slope up and down. Do I say no because I see what could happen? Do I say yes because I am afraid of what will happen if I don’t?
May I suggest that you say no?
May I suggest that you decline; if there will be resentment between you and your other children? Or between the GC and her cousins? Can your health handle getting sick from your GC? What about your spouse? How is their health? And if there is a possibility of this arrangement negatively affecting your marriage, don’t do it. It isn’t worth it in the long run.
Look at the whole picture.
Looking at the whole picture is called avoiding collateral damage. This is smart thinking, not being rude. Consider, if you were living a state away, what would your Grown C do for daycare? They would come up with plans that would work for them.
You may need to say yes.
There may be extenuating circumstances that make it more of a necessity for you to watch your GC. These can include watching the baby while she/he is too young for daycare services. And watching the GC while the G Child works for their first or second paycheck might be necessary.
If your GC is on a waiting list for a daycare or preschool, you might need to sit for your G Child. If you can and will watch your GC while they are sick, that is a blessing. Please look at the big picture though.
A complete list of contacts needs to be available. You may have other GC that need to be picked up from school. What time do they get out? What happens on early release days? Who is the backup sitter if you are sick? What is your Grown C’s work phone/cell phone#? You will need both your child’s and his/her spouse’s contact numbers. “An ounce of prevention is worth a lb. of cure”. Benjamin Franklin
Our role as parents of adults is to be a good example of what is right, to be available with advice, not criticism, and to know when it is best to hold our peace. We are not being demanding.
An agreement should be made between yourself and your Grown C before you start watching your GC. Will you get paid? Will they pay for your expenses? Do they have alternate plans in the event you are sick or away?
Time schedules should be in place.
What time do you start and what time do you finish? It really is important to do this. I can tell you from firsthand experience. It is when there are no “rules” that the unspoken rules are broken and resentment forms.
If there are no set hours, you will be in limbo wondering when your grown child will be home. With no set hours, your child may feel comfortable picking up a second shift. And telling you after they have said yes or when the second shift has already started. Your schedule and your opinion do count. Always remember that.
You are and will always be their parent. When I was babysitting for my child, the child/parent relationship was unstable. However, this will not happen in all circumstances but it does happen. Respect and Rules is something that is not optional.
It all comes down to boundaries.
You are the parent. They are the GC’s parent. You are not the GC’s parent. Get the gist? I joke here but it really isn’t a joke. After this child no longer needs daycare, you will still be your Grown C’s parent. That relationship is very important.
It also comes down to knowing your abilities and limitations. You probably haven’t had a baby to watch for 20 years. In that time techniques have changed. How to diaper, how to dress, what and when to feed the baby, it all has changed.
Daily schedules have changed. Does the baby nap or do you keep it up so it will sleep all night? Who is that fair to? Knowing the parenting style of your grown C will make a big difference.
“It’s okay to decline to babysit your grandchildren. Just be honest and straightforward about it. It doesn’t matter if it’s because you’re too busy, if you don’t have the energy for it, or you just don’t want to. You don’t have any obligation to babysit, and you shouldn’t feel guilty about saying no.”
This is not the end all of articles to discuss watching grandchildren or not. Snoop around online. Ask questions in the search and see what other “pros” have to say.
You have to be paid to do something to be a pro.
I never once was paid to watch my own children so I am not a pro either. However, I’m a parent who has experience in the subject of “Should Grandparents be the Family Daycare?” And there is a question mark behind that.
Because sometimes you may need to say yes, I made this little set of information sheets so you can have all the details of how to reach your G Child if the need arises. These Contact Information Sheets are versitile and come in greyscale too for easy home printing. Make as many as you need.
In conclusion, take care of yourself, your spouse, and your family. Pray for them and pray on it, and listen for a still quiet voice. I would love for you to leave a comment if you have something to add to this conversation. Because, your opinion and experience matters. Smiles, Beth
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