Our role in helping our children through their divorce is to be there in full support, weather we agree or not with their decision.
Recently my daughter and her husband have separated. My heart said that I should tell them what to do. However, I knew that it was not my place. Our role in helping our children through their divorce is to be there in full support, weather we agree or not with their decision. Now is the time to know your stuff. If you don’t know it, learn it.
Divorce is a huge decision for a couple to make. Our role in helping our children through their divorce is to be there in full support.
Preferably, a family should make the decision together. And if they did, the divorce would not happen. Children do want both of their parents to raise them. My oldest grandson recently wanted to ask a certain girl to a party at church. He talked with his mom about it and found the courage to do it. His father told him to ask his mother. That seems the way it usually goes. Now, as the boys are living only with their father, that motherly advice will have to be over the phone.
I wanted to tell them to grow up and get over their differences, “for the sake of the children”.
As a Christian, I have a strong spiritual compass that pegs True North. I believe that marriage is a covenant that should not be broken except in dire situations. The statements like. “I am not in love” with my spouse, and “I have a right to seek my own happiness”. have been tossed around. I love both parties and hate to see either of them unhappy. And I especially hate to see them in this situation. In her family, all of them are unhappy.
We have a unique situation with my youngest grandson being autistic.
He is not trying to make sense out of this situation, unlike his older brother is. He is just processing the results of the situation. His mother has moved out of their home and no longer is there with him. He is such a lap baby that I have genuinely worried about him having separation anxiety. Due to his mental capacity, he is actually faring better than his older brother though. It makes sense that my 15-year-old grandson would be more aware of the emotional climate in the house.
I recently asked my daughter how things were going, and she said that the little one is sad and the older one won’t come out of his room. Of course, her husband is upset and just wants her to come back home. We chatted further and she told me that she had filed for divorce.
While I do not agree with her decision, I am here to support her. As long as I don’t come across as judgmental, I can keep the communications open. “Giving unsolicited advice means thinking that someone needs your advice when they didn’t specifically ask for it. The first assumption they make, is one that paints the person they’re giving advice to as less experienced than themselves.” Kletische.com
Statistics say that nearly 50% of marriages will end in divorce.
It is sad and disappointing to have my daughter go through this. So, with 4 children, will 2 of them divorce? So far this seems right. My son and daughter in law divorced about 5 years ago. Their son was just a toddler at the time. It was very difficult to watch, and I was there for both of them during the process.
My DIL is still my daughter, and we still love each other. She was a wonderful single mother and is now married again with 2 more little angels. My son is an amazing dad and is with my grandson for nearly all holidays and frequently in between. Although he lives in Texas and my grandson lives in California, his son is his everything.
Our role in helping our children through their divorce is to be there in full support, weather we agree or not with their decision.
Support can look like an open ear, or open arms when needed. While they are still our children, they are grown adults. We should not over parent them. However, what we can do is to get on our proverbial knees and pray for them. We know that this too shall pass.
Time has a way of healing all wounds but some wounds will hurt longer than others. It has been 20+ years since my children’s father and I divorced and one of my grown children still has problems dealing with it. However, she and I are very close and we talk things out frequently.
The personality and the age of the child when the divorce occurs matters too. Maturity levels and experiences in life affect their ability to cope. Divorce is a hard thing on a family. And I mean a whole family. I hope you never have to experience it.
I have designed a series of worksheets to help move a couple or a family through meaningful conversation. Please make as many copies as you like.
Please share your thoughts on this topic and I would love to hear any advice you have for me. Thank you.
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