I was recently told by my oldest daughter that I had no business interfering with her life. Advice that is not asked for is unsolicited advice.
It made me ask myself, “Should I tell my children how to parent my grandchildren”?
It came to me almost as hard as a slap to the face that I really don’t have a right to do that. My daughter is nearly 40 years old. She is certainly old enough take care of her own family.
I may not like the way she does things. I may not agree with some of her decisions either, but she has the right to make them. Even under extreme conditions, is not my business to give them mandates as advice.
It feels unnatural to hold my peace when someone seems very unhappy though.
However, it is the most appropriate thing to do. Recently my daughter and son-in-law have separated. My daughter has confided in me her “whys” and “how’s” and has asked me for advice with parenting and custody issues.
Outwardly I have answered her questions, which are mostly based on how her father, and I handled issues during our divorce. Inwardly I am screaming at the top of my lungs to slow down, seek counseling, pray as a family, and go home. Trust me, I have mentioned these feelings to her also. In this post I go into if it is appropriate to give them relationship advice.
Advice is just that, advice. And advice that is not asked for is unsolicited advice.
It is fine and dandy to give advice to your grown children, when asked. It is meddling and interfering to give unsolicited advice. I read a very good article stating, “Giving unsolicited advice means thinking that someone needs your advice when they didn’t specifically ask for it. The first assumption they make, is one that paints the person they’re giving advice to as less experienced than themselves.” Kletische.com
What we can do unsolicited, is pray for our grown children and their families.
Also, we can share our faith with our grandchildren. Say good, nice things about their parents and remind them that parents are people too. We all make mistakes and praise God Almighty for forgiveness. One thing is for sure; my divorce when my children were teens set an ugly example.
So, should I tell my children how to parent my grandchildren?
Yes, when they seek advice, and know, if I give advice that is not asked for, it is unsolicited advice and may do more harm than good. Live the example you want them to follow. Pray hard and pray often.
Unless Asked, Don’t Tell.
If you have a big concern that you feel can’t or shouldn’t be ignored, ask permission, speak to the proper person (it’s probably best to speak to your child) and don’t do it in front of the grandchildren. Use your tact and timing. Above all, never side with one parent or the other. Stay neutral and be careful not to talk badly about the other parent through gossip, commiserating or complaining about one to the other, no matter how tempting.” This is excellent advice that I read and wanted to share with you from empoweringparents.com
We must remember that just because our children do not ask for advice and sometimes don’t want our advice, our life experiences are totally valuable. After all, we did raise amazing kids, didn’t we?
What is our purpose as parents, really?
Isn’t is to raise independent children into adulthood, equipping them with all the tools to grow and make good decisions? Our role as parents of adults is to be a good example of what is right, to be available with advice, not criticism, and to know when it is best to hold our peace.
This conversation we are having reminded me of this verse.
Eph. 5:15-17 says,” For this reason, ever since I heard about your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, I have not stopped giving thanks for you, remembering you in my prayers, that the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the glorious Father, may give you a spirit of wisdom and revelation in your knowledge of Him.”
This is a printable gratitude list for every day. Gratitude for our daily blessings lets God know that we submit ourselves to His will for our life and and our children’s lives. Hover over the design, right click, and save as yen_gratitude_every_day Print as ,any as you like.
Please sign up for our email list to be informed of the many printables that we have for you and don’t forget to read our other posts to gather even more freebies. Smiles, Beth
Recent Comments