Letting go of Someone Vs. Cancelling Them

What is letting go of someone?

Occasionally in our lifetimes we connect ourselves with someone who does not align with our beliefs and/or values.  We usually don’t need to “let go” of people in our lives.  But some toxic relationships engrain themselves in our everyday life. And your relationship with this person may cause you constant pain, anxiety and grief. Letting go of someone is when you separate yourself from someone physically, mentally and emotionally. 

 

The human body is not designed for constant stress. 

“Indeed, stress symptoms can affect your body, your thoughts and feelings, and your behavior. Being able to recognize common stress symptoms can help you manage them. Stress that’s left unchecked can contribute to many health problems, such as high blood pressure, heart disease, obesity and diabetes.”

 

Stress can affect every aspect of our lives.  We become exhausted, jumpy, short tempered, and even rude.  Stress can make us second guess the common aspects of our day.  This is why stress has the power to change even your physical body and well being.  

Stress can cause heart palpitations, stomach aches, nervousness, weight gain and/or weight loss, and physical pain.  These are the reasons why we may need to let go of someone in our lives.  

But, what do we do if it is someone we love?

 

This is a much harder situation and requires much prayer.  Here are a few relationships that can fall under that category.

1. Childhood Friends- They may have grown into values that are in contrast to yours.
2. Relatives- Are they constantly negative, do you feel panicked around them and don’t know why?
3. Friends from Church- Anyone who wants to just gossip about others or shares other’s private prayer requests is toxic.
4. Long term Relationships- Are you connected to the person of your dreams and nightmares? That dichotomy is very dangerous to your psyche. 
5. Your Children- If your children blame their bad choices on you or do not take responsibility for their own situations or chemical dependencies, maybe you should evaluate letting go of this relationship.  Even if it is only for a defined time.
6. Your Partner- Somewhere in your life you chose to be with this person. However it may not have been the right set of circumstances, but nevertheless you made that decision to either say yes at an alter or yes in an intimate setting. Letting go of this relationship will be the hardest of all.

When letting someone you love go, prepare for:

• sorrow,
• heartache,
• physical pain, and
• grief.

It will be one of the hardest things that you will ever have to do.  None the less, there are circumstances when you have to do just that. Let them go.

Is letting someone go the same as cancelling them?

What is cancelling someone?

Cancel culture or call-out culture is a contemporary phrase used to refer to a form of ostracism in which someone is thrust out of social or professional circles – whether it be online, on social media, or in person. Those subject to this ostracism are said to have been “cancelled”.

How canceling is different than letting someone go:

Cancelling someone is usually easier than letting them go.  Unfriending them on Facebook or blocking their number from messaging you or calling you is somewhat painless.  Turning them off, unfollowing them and making a public statement of the same is less hurtful.  Cancelling someone could be the trendy thing to do not the heart wrenching thing to do.

Why should anyone do either?

Now, this is the crux of the issue.  Why should I let someone go?  If my relationship with someone is causing me continuous  physical or psychological harm, it has to evaluated. Letting someone go isn’t done on a whim.  This comes after much work on that relationship. Because healthy boundaries with people in your life may prevent disasters.

• Before it has gotten to this extreme a conversation with the person about how you feel, and
• setting healthy boundaries with them has occurred. 
• The person has not honored that agreement
• and continues to harm you emotionally and sometimes physically.  

Removing someone toxic from your life is a form of self-compassion.

This is an excellent article that covers this discussion beautifully. 

How to Let Go of Someone : The Essential Guide

It is important to include closure for both parties.

Time will heal all wounds, it may take a decade but it will heal.

“Whether you’ve just experienced a breakup, or you have a feeling you’re about to, finally letting go of that person is never easy. Even when it’s your decision, there’s still an open wound there that will take time to heal,” according to licensed marriage and family therapist Tiana Leeds, M.A., LMFT.

How do I go about letting someone go?

Pick a public setting for the conversation. This will hopefully assure your safety from verbal and/or physical abuse. Not all break-ups will be this toxic. The ones that are not, are somewhat harder to accomplish than the obvious ones. This is because your mind will play games with you and try to talk you out of it.  It is not natural to break-up with someone you care about.

It is best if you have written and studied a script.  That sounds strange but it can re-direct the conversation back to the subject at hand.  Do not expect the person to agree with you.  If they do, you are blessed.

Don’t give in; and hold your ground. If you don’t you may need to start all over with the break and it can be twice as hard. If you think breaking-up with this person is hard now, it will be even more painful if you have to do it again.  Although, the second time they may be on board.

It is not your aim to hurt someone else.

But it will hurt them none the less.  Be prepared for false emotions.  When people are hurt they often become angry.  You may find yourself in a hornet’s nest.  Be ready to disengage from the conversation and bow out. 

When you feel sorry for breaking the relationship off you may think you have done the wrong thing. Remember the time and anguish that you have put into mental preparation.  You might have second thoughts but you were probably right to do it in the first place. 

Throughout the process, pray for guidance and follow the promptings of the Holy Spirit.

“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind. This is the great and first commandment. And a second is like it: You shall love your neighbor as yourself” (Matthew 22:37-39).

Along with a collaborator, I designed a mental health booklet to help you understand how our minds work. Please download as many as you need and share this post/pin with others.

I would much rather cancel someone than let them go. Please add any comments you may have. Smiles, Beth