Many Empty Nesters have marriage problems after the last fledgling flies the nest.
Empty Nesters will usually get through this transition in their lives without complications. But sometimes there are permanent results. Marriages are often stressed during this phase of their lives and many empty nesters have marriage problems.
Relationships between parents and children will change the majority of the time. And new found independence is common for both parties. These are just a few of the changes that can have lasting effects.
Couples may adjust to Empty Nesting differently.
One parent may recover faster than the other and this spouse may feel helpless to console the other. And losing patience may be easier. They may want them to “Just get over it”. These conflicts may make the situation worse.
Unfortunately, divorce is fairly common in this Empty Nest stage of life.
The actual problem in their marriage may have begone long before; and was not acknowledged. When children are the only focus in the family, focus on each other is treated much less important and many empty nesters have relationship problems. Couples may not see each other as individuals separate from their parental role.
Date night can be lost in the busy life of school night programs or ball games.
If a parent looses sight of their self-identity, their spouse may loose sight of it also.
Mothers find their identity as mothers when their first little one is born. Spouses may have felt as if they have been pushed to the back burner and are less important than they once were.
Motherhood, all love begins and ends here.
Robert Browning
In an article from familylife.com they narrow down three marriage problems that stand out:
- Three common pitfalls:
- 1. A critical spirit.
- 2. Emotional divorce. ·
- 3. An affair.
Spouses who feel unimportant can develop a critical spirit.
Why would those three problems surface after the children are gone? Unbeknownst to the parent them self, the problem could have started a while ago. It may not have to do with the children directly. When one checks out, the other can feel abandoned and can develop a critical spirit.
Feeing unimportant can lead to Emotional divorce and marriage problems.
If either does not feel important at home, he/she will find importance at work, or church or even while doing a hobby. Going in two different directions in your lives can cause geographical separations and emotional disconnect, leading to emotional divorce.
An Affair is a reality in oh too many marriages.
In the process of searching for their own self worth a couple may run into someone who is ever so willing to show them their worth. It usually starts with an innocent conversation and then an innocent meeting.
This meeting may be totally accidental.
Now the two have developed a relationship outside of the spouse. Too many men and women have been distracted by someone that shows them the attention that their spouse does not. This is dangerous territory. It is just as feasible to have this situation at work, or even church, or at the gym. We are all human, but this is clear danger to a marriage and can lead to an affair.
These are just a few reason why some Empty Nesters have marriage problems.
We will chat about how we can make our marriages bullet proof in a future post, but we will leave it here for now. Guard your marriage and don’t be caught off guard.
Communication is usually the greatest cause of relationship breakdown. Heated conversations, words said that cannot be taken back, and frequently, the cold shoulder and silence can cause severe damage.
I made this set of Conversation Starters to address the pain points that can arise. You can use these sheets in many different ways. They are easy to understand and follow and can expose hidden pain, sorrow, and needs. You will be surprised by your own answers, as well as your spouse, family, or friends.
It is a free download. Click on the highlighted text below. Enjoy.
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