A Dating Empty Nester
For some reason, you have become a dating empty nester. This comes with many situations that you may never have been in. Getting back into dating after a long period of just you, or you and your previous spouse, is a bit frightening. It is a bit exciting. And it is a bit of a stretch.
Let’s look at these emotions separately.
- Frightening – What are your fears? Most of the things that we fear are only in our heads. Fear that we don’t know what we are doing is unfounded. Unless we try, we will not know if that is so.
- Exciting – No curfues, noone telling us how to dress, and no one telling us where we go or how to act is a blessing and a curse. The things that we felt were so limiting, were also the things that made us safe and feel safe.
- Stretching – The person we were when we started dating is not the person we are today. Life has taken care of that. We are much more experienced with the world. And we usually know what we want in a future relationship.
Do you have teen children?
Having young adults that are open to their parents dating again is a blessing. They may not be competing with your date for your affection, but they may be competing with them for your time. Having time to devote to family, your activities and home takes some strategic acrobatics.
This could be even harder on all of you if you are still working or have to go back to work. Commit to going out once a week, or every other week. If you have included your children in the planning, they will be more willing to share your time with someone else.
It is important that you have a plan.
We were taught that the right one will just come along. And you will know love when you see it. While there is some truth in these statements, we can help things along a bit by leaving our house. And having some place to go. It is highly unlikely that Mr. or Mrs. Right will come knocking at your door. However, that may be the case for some lucky person.
Where do dating empty nesters go?
If you are struggling to find somewhere to go where your future squeeze might be, think back to where you met your first love. Was it at a sporting event? Or was it at summer camp? Did you meet him/her at school? As awkward as these places sound, now that you are older, they may still be a valid idea. Another way to come up with ideas is to pole your friends. Incidentally, Facebook is a great place to do just that. I wrote a post about making new friends and there are some great ideas in it that may fit in right HERE
Some venues to consider:
1. Church
2. The Gym
3. A hobby class at a local college or trade school
4. A sports bar or restaurant
5. A retreat for a subject of interest
And more… Use your imagination.
Who do you want to date?
It is important to know who it is that you want to spend your time with. Ask yourself if he/she must have certain characteristics. Is she chatty? Is he tall? Are you looking for a woman or man of faith? Is a person who can’t get enough baseball A deal-breaker? Yes! It matters.
Experience is a treasure for the dating empty nester.
Do you know that you are in a place that you should just flourish? Think about all of the things you have learned along the way. You have experience in a relationship that will put you miles ahead of where you were when you first started dating. Statistics are good for second serious relationships.
“In terms of your dating pool, select potential dating partners who can identify with your new phase of life as an empty nester.” MORE
If you fail
And don’t be afraid to put yourself out among the people that you like. Going out in groups or even alone isn’t a big deal. If you fail, even a time or two, if you don’t quit, you eventually will succeed. Be picky but kind and courteous. And be the perfect catch that you already are. Smiles, Beth
I have a little gift for you, a trio of planning worksheets to help you plan it all out.
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